Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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