So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
