Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
