I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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