She's like a pop up book from hell.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
