at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
