Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
