Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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