I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
