Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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