You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
