I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
