dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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