it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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