i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
