Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
