We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize