I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
