My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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