I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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