TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
