Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
