Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
