Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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