i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
