So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
