so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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