Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
