Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize