I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
