Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She told me I should be a condom model.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
