And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
