Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
