im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
