just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
