toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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