you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
