went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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