Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
