you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
