This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
