She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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