the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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