she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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