I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
