Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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