How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
