Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
