She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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