I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
