I wish my penis had an off switch
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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