I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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