Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
