Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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