just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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