God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
