You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
