oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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