i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
