Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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