if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
