I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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