he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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