you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
