Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
