so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
