You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
