Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize