allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
