I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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