I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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