omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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