you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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