Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
