he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
