yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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