can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
