I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
