You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
