filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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