Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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