Already got asked if we're dating
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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